•1.      You’ve referred to someone by their screen name in a conversation even though you knew their real name.

•2.      You have more money in your poker accounts than in your bank accounts.

•3.      Your computer monitor is bigger than your TV screen.

•4.      You’ve made at least one major purchase with Full Tilt Points.

•5.      You read that last sentence and thought, “I’d never use my Full Tilt Points because it comes out of my rakeback.”

•6.      You’ve ever tried to explain why poker isn’t gambling to a non-player.

•7.      You take your laptop into the bathroom with you.

•8.      You would consider playing poker while having sex a threesome.

•9.      The only congressman you can name is Barney Frank.

•10.  The phrase, “That donk stuck it in over my 3-bet with a suited Dolly Parton from out of position and cracked my bullets when his runner-runner came on the river. FML!”  makes perfect sense to you.

I’m not a big fan of the chat box.  Other than the occasional “nh” or “ty,” I usually ignore it, but every once in awhile someone drops a gem that makes me laugh out loud.  Here’s some of what I saw in the past couple weeks:

Bad Beat

The comedian and villain both had around 30 big blinds in a tournament.  The comedian raised 3x the big blind pre-flop, the villain re-raised from out of position, the comedian re-re-raised and the villain went all in.  The comedian called and showed KK.  The villain had JTs and proceeded to hit his straight.  Then this happened:

Comedian: I’m going to go throw up now.

Comedian: While I’m gone, do the right thing and kill yourself.

I Should’ve Raised

In the hand before the chat, Player 1 flopped the Ace-high flush and Player 2 flopped the straight flush.  It was checked down to the river where Player 2 called a small bet.

Player 2: I guess I should have raised in there somewhere.

Player 1: LOL, NO RAISE WITH A STRAIGHT FLUSH?

Player 1: I HAD AN ACE HIGH FLUSH

Player 1: COUL HAVE TAKEN ALL MY CHIPS

Player 2: I saw that

Player 2: I wish I would have

Other Player: oh so you didn’t know you had it?

Player 2: no I knew.

Player 2: I said omg honey I flopped a straight flush

Player 2: I was trying to slow play

Player 2: I should have re-raise on the river

Player 1: YA THINK?

I Can’t Hear You

This one happened during the mid blind stage of a Sit N Go.  Both players had roughly even stacks of around 12 times the big blind.  Player 1 shoves with Q7s and Player 2 calls with AA.  Player 1 wins the pot with a flush.

Player 2: F**kin Donkey!

Player 1: What? I can’t hear you.

Player 1: Hang on, lemme move this wall of chips.

Player 1: Okay. What?

Poor Bastard

This one happened late in a MTT.  Player 2 had 360 in chips and the blinds were 300/600.  We were on the bubble and the tournament was moving hand-by-hand.  Player 2 was taking every last second available to him to make any decision.  Then the table big stack chimed in.

Big Stack: Look at this poor bastard.

Big Stack: It’s all he can do to keep from killing himself.

*                      *                      *

God I love poker!